CONTEST! Who Will Write The Next ‘Robert Langdon’ Adventure? YOU!


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Do you want to be as successful a writer as Dan Brown? How about a free copy of his new book, Inferno, with some neat amateur art? Well now you can!

Everybody knows Dan Brown uses a formula to write his books, and who can blame him? Everybody loves Mad Libs!  Fill in the blanks of the Mad Lib form below with your funniest Robert Langdon Adventure and post it as a comment or email it to me! The funniest story wins!

The prize is a brand new hardbound copy of Inferno by Dan Brown. And, to sweeten the deal, I will draw a doodle of your choosing on a blank page inside. Once the winner is chosen and the prize claimed, I will buy the book, draw in it, then ship it. The winning story will also be featured in a blog post and have their site linked to, if applicable.

I will add some samples of my art later so the winner can get a feel for my style. I’m best at dinosaurs, but I can also do birds and dragons.

Now some rules!

1. Standard MadLib Rules apply.

2. Deadline is May 31st. Judging period is one week.

3. One entry per person, please!

4. I will draw whatever you ask. ANYTHING.

5. Winner has one week to claim the prize.

6. You must follow my blog. Because seriously, why would you not want to?

Hit the jump to find everything you need to enter the contest. 
Now get writing!
__________________________________________________

Choose words using this guide:

(CITY NAME)

(INSIPID ACTIVITY)

(FEMALE PROTAGONIST)

(VAGUE DESCRIPTION)

(ADJECTIVE1)

(SECRET SOCIETY)

(MACGUFFIN)

(MYSTERY ASSASSIN)

(HISTORIC LANDMARK)

(TIME OF DAY)

(NUMBER OF PAGES REMAINING IN BOOK)

(INTRANSITIVE, PRESENT TENSE VERB)

(HISTORIC OBJECT)

(PORTION OF FEMALE ANATOMY)

(VERB1)

(ESTABLISHMENT FIGURE CHARACTER)

(SYNONYM FOR ‘SAID’1)

(BRANCH OF PSEUDOSCIENCE)

(NOUN1)

(SYNONYM FOR SAID2)

(ACTIVITY)

(EXTINCT CULTURE)

(ESOTERIC CONCEPT)

(EXCLAMATION)

(NOUN2)

(CLUMSY METAPHOR FOR BLOOD)

(DEROGATORY EPITHET)

(ADJECTIVE2)

(DISGUISE)

(CHARACTER NAME)

(MARTIAL SKILL)

(PLURAL AGE GROUP)

(METAPHOR FOR SEX)

(SYNONYM FOR ‘SAID’3)

(PAST TENSE VERB)

_______________________________________________________

Robert Langdon awoke in (CITY NAME) and began (INSIPID ACTIVITY). He then met (FEMALE PROTAGONIST), and he could tell by her (VAGUE DESCRIPTION) she was (ADJECTIVE1).

“Oh, no!” she exclaimed. “Here comes The (SECRET SOCIETY)! They’re out to get (MACGUFFIN) and have us killed by (MYSTERY ASSASSIN WHO IS A CHARACTER WE’VE KNOWN ALL ALONG)! Let’s hurry into that nearby (HISTORIC LANDMARK)!” As Langdon ran with (AFOREMENTIONED FEMALE CHARACTER) he checked the face of his Mickey Mouse [TM] watch.

“Crap! Is it (TIME OF DAY) already? We’ve only got (NUMBER OF PAGES REMAINING IN BOOK) hours until the (MACGUFFIN) is triggered and (INTRANSITIVE, PRESENT TENSE VERB)!” At last they reached the (AFOREMENTIONED LANDMARK) and hid beneath a (HISTORIC OBJECT) where there was a secret passage. Leaving the (AFOREMENTIONED ASSASSIN) outside the convenient passage, Langdon and his sex object waddled along the passage. Admiring her (PORTION OF FEMALE ANATOMY), Langdon reflected on how much he’d like to (VERB1) his new sidekick, but then remembered his life of bachelorhood, which he keeps telling everyone is his choice.

When they’d reached the other end of the tunnel, Langdon’s cell phone rang. It was (ESTABLISHMENT FIGURE WHO MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE BAD GUY BUT MIGHT NOT).

“Yello?” Langdon answered.
“Langdon! It’s me,” he (NEEDLESS SYNONYM FOR ‘SAID’1). “It turns out, based on my calculations in (BULLSHIT PSEUDOSCIENCE) that the (MACGUFFIN) will (VERB2) us all unless you can figure out the secret code to unlock it, which was engraved on the (LANDMARK).”

“I’ve got it!” Langdon (NEEDLESS SYNONYM FOR ‘SAID’2). “That (NOUN1) carving on the front of the (AFOREMENTIONED LANDMARK)!”

“What about it?” (FEMALE PROTAGONIST) asked.

“Everybody thinks it’s the unversal symbol for (ACTIVITY). But according to ancient (EXTINCT CULTURE)’s belief from which this symbol originated, it’s actually the universal symbol of (ESOTERIC CONCEPT)!”

“(EXCLAMATION)!” shouted (FEMALE PROTAGONIST). Langdon turned to see she was now pinned by (AFOREMENTIONED ASSASSIN), who was pointing a (NOUN2) at her neck, as though threatening to spill her (CLUMSY METAPHOR FOR BLOOD) all over the pavement of (AFOREMENTIONED CITY NAME).

“Thanks for solving the puzzle, (DEROGATORY EPITHET)!” (ASSASSIN) said. “But you fell right into my (ADJECTIVE2) trap!” He pointed the (AFOREMENTIONED NOUN HE WAS HOLDING) at Langdon. In an Instant Langdon fell on the ground, apparently dead. Then (ASSASSIN) took off his (DISGUISE).

“It’s (CHARACTER NAME WE MAY OR MAY NOT RECOGNIZE)! Why didn’t I realize it sooner?!” Then she used her (MARTIAL SKILL SHE SHOULD HAVE USED EARLIER) to incapacitate (ASSASSIN) while he was distracted.

Langdon got up, dusted himself off, and said, “Good thing I only pretended to be dead!” Together he and (FEMALE) seized the (MACGUFFIN) and disarmed it.

“I would have gotten away with it, too,” said (ASSASSIN), “If it wasn’t for you meddling (PLURAL AGE GROUP)!”

“Well now that’s over, let’s (METAPHOR FOR SEX),” said (FEMALE).

“Okay!” Langdon (NEEDLESS SYNONYM FOR ‘SAID’3). And they (PAST TENSE VERB) back to (LANDMARK).

THE END

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6 thoughts on “CONTEST! Who Will Write The Next ‘Robert Langdon’ Adventure? YOU!

  1. Robert Langdon awoke in Tijuana and began perming his hair. He then met Venus Coco, and he could tell by her almost not quite like something he had seen before that she was foamy.

    “Oh, no!” she exclaimed. “Here comes The Order of the Solar Temple! They’re out to get the Golden Alpaca Pelt and have us killed by the Man with Webbed Hands! Let’s hurry into that nearby Christ the Redeemer Statue!” As Langdon ran with Venus he checked the face of his Mickey Mouse [TM] watch.

    “Crap! Is it 3:21 PM already? We’ve only got one hour until the Golden Alpaca Pelt is triggered and sleeps!” At last they reached the Christ the Redeemer statue and hid beneath a Rosetta Stone where there was a secret passage. Leaving the Man with Webbed Hands outside the convenient passage, Langdon and his sex object waddled along the passage. Admiring her Pinna, Langdon reflected on how much he’d like to sleeps his new sidekick, but then remembered his life of bachelorhood, which he keeps telling everyone is his choice.

    When they’d reached the other end of the tunnel, Langdon’s cell phone rang. It was Professor Hershel Layton.

    “Yello?” Langdon answered.
    “Langdon! It’s me,” he assumed. “It turns out, based on my calculations in Phrenology that the Golden Alpaca Pelt will chew us all unless you can figure out the secret code to unlock it, which was engraved on the Christ the Redeemer statue.”

    “I’ve got it!” Langdon exclaimed. “That Big Bird carving on the front of the Christ the Redeemer Statue!”

    “What about it?” Venus asked.

    “Everybody thinks it’s the universal symbol for perming hair. But according to ancient Aztec belief from which this symbol originated, it’s actually the universal symbol of Dan Brown’s Sense of Self Efficacy as an Author!”

    “Jesus Christ!” shouted Venus. Langdon turned to see she was now pinned by The Man with Webbed Hands, who was pointing a spatula at her neck, as though threatening to spill her cherry syrup gushing from a fondue fountain all over the pavement of Tijuana.

    “Thanks for solving the puzzle, you soiled piece of tissue!” the Man with Webbed hands said. “But you fell right into my murky trap!” He pointed the spatula at Langdon. In an Instant Langdon fell on the ground, apparently dead. Then the Man with Webbed Hands took off his Senor Bumblebee costume.

    “It’s James T. Kirk! Why didn’t I realize it sooner?!” Then she used her Vulcan Nerve Pinch to incapacitate Kirk while he was distracted.

    Langdon got up, dusted himself off, and said, “Good thing I only pretended to be dead!” Together he and Venus seized the Golden Alpaca Pelt and disarmed it.

    “I would have gotten away with it, too,” said Kirk, “If it wasn’t for you meddling Octogenarians!”

    “Well now that’s over, let’s whitewash all the walls,” said Venus.

    “Okay!” Langdon alleged. And they drove back to the Christ the Redeemer Statue.

    THE END

  2. Robert Langdon awoke in Albany and began to scratch. He then met Terry, and he could tell by her pug nose she was naughty..

    “Oh, no!” she exclaimed. “Here comes The Flippers! They’re out to get Piece of Chalk and have us killed by The Master Fart Blower! Let’s hurry into that nearby Mannequin Pis!” As Langdon ran with Terry, he checked the face of his Mickey Mouse [TM] watch.

    “Crap! Is it tea time already? We’ve only got 154 hours until the Piece of Chalk is triggered and destrys every pair of black pants on the planet!” At last they reached the Mannequin Pis and hid beneath a Blarney Stone where there was a secret passage. Leaving the Master Fart Blower outside the convenient passage, Langdon and his sex object waddled along the passage. Admiring her left pinkie toe, Langdon reflected on how much he’d like to chop his new sidekick, but then remembered his life of bachelorhood, which he keeps telling everyone is his choice.

    When they’d reached the other end of the tunnel, Langdon’s cell phone rang. It was Scuba Diver.

    “Yello?” Langdon answered.
    “Langdon! It’s me,” he replied. “It turns out, based on my calculations in Warp Engineering that the Piece of Chalk will jump us all unless you can figure out the secret code to unlock it, which was engraved on the Mannequin Pis.”

    “I’ve got it!” Langdon growled. “That Awkward Family photo carving on the front of the Mannequin Pis!”

    “What about it?” Terry asked.

    “Everybody thinks it’s the universal symbol for zip lining. But according to ancient Mayan’s belief from which this symbol originated, it’s actually the universal symbol of Forces of Light!”

    “Yo, chief” shouted Terry. Langdon turned to see she was now pinned by Master Fart Blower who was pointing a pastry bag at her neck, as though threatening to spill her sticky Lime Rickey all over the pavement of Albany.

    “Thanks for solving the puzzle, you waste of methane!” Master Fart Blower said. “But you fell right into my devious trap!” He pointed the Pastry Bag at Langdon. In an Instant Langdon fell on the ground, apparently dead. Then Master Fart Blower took off his sheath.

    “It’s Dr. Huxtable! Why didn’t I realize it sooner?!” Then she used her spoon playing to incapacitate Master Fart Blower while he was distracted.

    Langdon got up, dusted himself off, and said, “Good thing I only pretended to be dead!” Together he and Terry seized the Piece of Chalk and disarmed it.

    “I would have gotten away with it, too,” said Master Fart Blower, now Dr. Huxtable, “If it wasn’t for you meddling yuppies”

    “Well now that’s over, let’s play checkers,” said Terry.

    “Okay!” Langdon sighed. And they skipped back to Mannequin Pis..

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