100th POST Extravaganza!!! – Contest winner, Mystery review, AND MORE!!!

Hello, Don’tRead faithful, and thanks for checking back for my 100th post!

I know I mentioned something about a video, but I don’t have the resources to post videos with which I’m happy at this time. That may change in the future. So I’m stealing a video instead.
That’s not my big announcement–THIS IS:
I’m a published writer! A few weeks ago, some of you may remember a review I did about a serial novel on a website called JukPopSerials.com.
Well starting today, I also have a serial on JukePop, which you can all read–How to Reverse The Polarity ~or~ Let’s Kick Some Past!
It’s a silly time travel romp I did just for fun and planned on releasing for free or cheap. It’s intended to be tongue in cheek and I’m editing as I go, so check it out and vote for me.

Now onto the review–This is a book which is very dear to me as it took a lot to get and is probably among the rarest books I own.

PRIMAL RAGE: The Avatars
Perhaps a bit of mood music is in order:

Back in 1994 there was an arcade game that was basically Mortal Combat with Ray Harryhausen claymation monsters. It was called Primal Rage, and this videogame was the shit. I love dinosaurs, as some of you may recall, and I was in love with this game, though I never had any money to play it as I was a poor kid back then.

So lots of people remember this game and how awesome it was. But did you know there was almost a sequal?
That’s right, but Primal Rage 2 would expand the game to feature more than just monster ‘Dino-God’ fighters–Now each of the monsters would have a human counterpart with whom they were psychically and physically linked.

Alas, PR2 would never see the light of day, and only a handful of test cabinets were ever made and even fewer still exist. But before the kaibosh was put upon our saurian heroes, this lovely book was written by a man named John Vornholt.
Primal Rage: The Avatars is the narrative bridge beteween the events of the first game and those of the second, explaining how the human characters became entwined with the Dino-Gods’ destinies.

I was VERY morbidly curious. I was a big fan of the old arcade game and when I found out there was a book, I was all over it.
But this thing is actually pretty rare and there is no e-book version. I originally read it thanks to my wife Inter-Library-Loaning a copy while she was working at a library. I ended up buying my copy at great expense; there are not a lot of copies left nowadays.

I did not stop. I finished this book. Cover to bloody cover. AND IT WAS INSANE.
Remember my Metal Gear Solid review? Remember how I said it’s so bad its funny? Remember all those horrible one liners I read FROM the book in Solid Snake’s voice?
This book urinates on all that and flies a big stanky casle into outerspace. I’M NOT JOKING–this book is so over the top it hurts some times. This is the mother of all B-Movie-esque novels.

Are we even gonna go here? You don’t fix something like this. It is beyond repair, it is mutated, it is obscene, and IT IS GLORIOUS.
In a weird way, this book is actually pretty close to perfection. You can tell the writer was just in it to have fun–no themes, no grand, literary meaning–and that’s what he did.
And some parts are a slog but in the end its worth it to read all the batshit crazy.
I wouldn’t change a thing in this book.

If you were a fan of the video game, or if you like reading trashy novels for sheer fun, check this book out from your library. Copies are really few and far between, so be sure you get on that ILL list sooner than later! Also, check out the soundtrack of the game–there’s some really cool tracks and it has an awesome name–ALL THE RAGE.

And now for the winner of my contest!
Go back and play some dramatic music from a video above…
And it’s Daniella! Congrats, Daniella — I’ve already sent an email your way and you have seven days to claim your prize and tell me which bookstore you’d like to go shopping at!
Remember the terms and conditions from the original contest post and thank you all for reading!
Now leave me some congratulatory comments! Pat me on the back, dammit!


2 thoughts on “100th POST Extravaganza!!! – Contest winner, Mystery review, AND MORE!!!

  1. Wow, congratulations!!!! I’m going to read it now 😀

    I’m the winner, so yaaay!! 😀 I’m so happy!

    By the way, you totally encouraged me, and I’m now totally doing NaNoWriMo! I really need to discipline myself and write every day, so this is going to be good for me, even if I don’t make it to the 50,000 words. So thank you for evertyhing!

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