My Gift to All of You


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One of my wife’s gifts to me.
RELEASE THE BUTTERFLIES!

Hello, All Ye Don’tRead Faithful.
“The Holidays” are a time when people celebrate dates or ‘days’ which are, to them, ‘holy’ if you will. For many of us, this means adherence to a tradition set forth for us by others at some ancient time.  My personal thoughts on this topic can be found elsewhere, but today I am here to celebrate a tradition of my own.
I give and like to receive gifts which are homemade. Anyone can buy a hunk of plastic crap at a store, but it shows some real care to create a thing with your own brains, or hands, or pedipalps, or whatever you have, just for someone else.
And so I made this small Holiday token for all of my followers—you MUST BE FOLLOWING my blog to use it (wink, wink* honor system, guys)—It’s a Holiday Mad Lib!
Simply print it out, fill in the blanks, and read aloud to your family. Share it with the kids, or put naughty sex acts in all the blanks and share it with the adults. I recommend inserting some synonym for feces in at least every third blank. But don’t read the story until you fill in the word lists! The point is to have a silly story that doesn’t make sense. The more nonsensical and funny your story, the better!

1. Your Name: ___________
2. Occasion: ___________
3. Transitive Verb: ___________ (A transitive verb is something you do TO something else, like ‘build’)
4. Undergarments (plural): ___________ (plural means more than one-i.e., ‘socks’)
5. Electronic decoration: ___________
6. Room in your house: ___________
7. Verb ending in “-ing”: ___________ (a verb is something you do, like “sledding”)
8. Noun: ___________ (a noun is a person, place, or thing. School House Rock, yo.)
9. Part of a house: ___________
10. Another part of a house: ___________
11. Yet another part of a house: ___________
12. Verb ending in “-ing”: ___________
13. Vehicle: ___________
14. Animal: ___________
15. Exclamation: ___________
16. Adjective: ___________ (this is a word that describes a noun—all colors are adjectives)
17. Unit of time: ___________
18. Holiday Figure: ___________
19. Body parts (plural): ___________
20. Body part (one): ___________
21. Body part (one): ___________
22. Verb (past tense): ___________ (past tense verbs often have “-ed” at the end)
23. Verb (past tense): ___________
24. Verb (past tense): ___________
25. Verb (past tense): ___________

A Holiday Story
By 1___________

‘Twas the night before 2___________ and I wasn’t ready at all.
I still had to 3___________ all the presents I bought from the mall!
The 4___________ were hung by the chimney alright,
But I couldn’t make my 5___________ work right!
I looked round my 6___________ at the terrible mess
I had made 7___________ cookies. “I’m trying my best!”
to the holiday spirits, I cried.
“But there’s a light on my 8___________ that won’t light on one side!
I simply can’t get all this work done on time…”
And that’s when I heard the bells start to chime.

Then thunk on my 9___________, on my 10___________ a clatter—
I dashed to my 11___________ to see what was the matter—
and what did my 12___________ eyes then behold
but a miniature 13___________ and a(n) 14___________, eight-fold.
“15___________,” I cried in surprise.
Dare I believe my 16___________ eyes?
But I hadn’t a 17___________ to ponder or stew
for behind came a noise from the fireplace flue!
I turned with alacrity—shock in my face
and out popped 18___________ , like he/she owned the place.

His/her 19___________ how they twinkled, his/her 20___________, like a cherry,
and just like the stories, his/her 21___________ was all hairy.
“What’s going on?” I wanted to ask, but was stunned into silence as he/she went to his task.
He/she 22___________ up decorations, 23___________ the presents
(I think he/she was trying to make my holiday pleasant).
He/she 24___________ all the cookies as quick as a flash,
and even 25___________ the last can of Who-Hash!
Then up through the chimney without a delay,
and mounting the 13___________ , he/she was away.
“What just happened?” I wondered then, shaking my head,
“Merry 2___________ to all. It’s time I went to bed!”

No matter your creed, race, or where you are from, Happy 2___________ from EnsisReads.com!

Post your stories in the comments!

I might just read the best one in a video with a silly voice!

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15 thoughts on “My Gift to All of You

  1. A Holiday Story
    By Julie

    ‘Twas the night before birthday and I wasn’t ready at all.
    I still had to lick all the presents I bought from the mall!
    The panties were hung by the chimney alright,
    But I couldn’t make my neon sign work right!
    I looked round my bathroom at the terrible mess
    I had made walking cookies. “I’m trying my best!”
    to the holiday spirits, I cried.
    “But there’s a light on my cat that won’t light on one side!
    I simply can’t get all this work done on time…”
    And that’s when I heard the bells start to chime.

    Then thunk on my window, on my floor a clatter—
    I dashed to my doorway to see what was the matter—
    and what did my laughing eyes then behold
    but a miniature tricycle and an eel, eight-fold.
    “Sacre bleu!” I cried in surprise.
    Dare I believe my blue eyes?
    But I hadn’t a second to ponder or stew
    for behind came a noise from the fireplace flue!
    I turned with alacrity—shock in my face
    and out popped Krampus, like he owned the place.

    His ears how they twinkled, his toe, like a cherry,
    and just like the stories, his/her throat was all hairy.
    “What’s going on?” I wanted to ask, but was stunned into silence as he/she went to his task.
    He pooped up decorations, kicked the presents
    (I think he/she was trying to make my holiday pleasant).
    He ate all the cookies as quick as a flash,
    and even swam the last can of Who-Hash!
    Then up through the chimney without a delay,
    and mounting the tricycle , he was away.
    “What just happened?” I wondered then, shaking my head,
    “Merry birthday to all. It’s time I went to bed!”

  2. I got here via Susie, too! I’m a huge Mad Libs fan (only time I ever got detention, in fact, was centered around grade school and dirty mad libs), so I can’t wait to print this out and see what I come up with. What a clever idea!

    • Glad to meet another Mad Lib fan! I used to work with kids and I’d use them to teach language. The kids REALLY love them–even the not-so-sesquipedalian of the bunch think they’re funny.
      If you don’t mind, paste your results in a comment on this post–I’m thinking of reading the funniest entry aloud in a Youtube video!

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