The Anti-Social Misanthrope’s Guide to Social Media – 7 Things You Can Do To Interact on the Inter-Webs

Hello, Don’tRead Faithful!

You know there’s been a lot of talk about ‘networking’ and the ‘social medias’ lately. Matter of fact, some folks say you pretty much CAN’T expect to be a circulated writer without it. But how can we navigate this ever shifting Bowie-esque Labyrinth of social medias they call ‘the inter-web?’

Well I’m here to tell you that I, your beloved and respected blog… writing… guy… also have some troubles with the social medias.

And by troubles, I mean I had flat out no idea how to use them. And, like many of you, I didn’t care.

You see, I’m a misanthropic, misogynist, misandrist, filled with misgivings about those around me. I was born a crotchety old man and, while I don’t believe people are inherently evil, I still wish they would die.

So to try and make it fun, I made up silly names for each of the networks.

  1. You have to make an effort. Yeah, this sucks, especially because the rewards are secondary to your purpose, but as with all necessary evils, you gotta try. Work it into your life in whatever way you can—tweet once a day, troll FB once a week, use MySpace once a decade, whatever works for you.
  2. Play to your strengths. You know those witty little comments or observations you make all day while there’s no one around? Post those fuckers. Try to make sure they’re actually interesting, though. “I like pie” is not likely to get re-tweeter’d, but be interesting. Try running your ideas past a trusted friend.
  3. Steal shit. This isn’t college; you’re allowed to copy other peoples work as long as you quote them or link back. So do that. Matter of fact, I think it’s encouraged. There’s no such thing as originality anyway. I’ll even give you permission to retweet or reshare ANY post I’ve ever posted on anything ever. Just link back. Re-tweet and Share!
  4. Get passionate. You know that movie you saw that you really loved? The one you can’t stop talking about, thinking about, or imagining yourself the protagonist of? Tell the interwebs about it! They need to know about “The Erotic Adventures of Captain Hook.”
  5. Spin. Yeah, if you’re like me, you hate the world and all that’s in it, but apparently some people DON’T LIKE to be told how much they and everything surrounding them sucks. So spin it positive–“Surprisingly few drunk drivers on the way to work today–maybe all that beer I drank this morning is good karma!”
  6. Do homework.  Follow, like, or join groups with others who are really good at the social medias. Try to copy some of the things they do. Not word for word of course, but read their shit and see what makes them good at this.
  7. BONUS* Follow me on the Twiddles (my pet-name for Twitter) and FaceButt (my perjorative for Facebook). I think I’m also on Googoo-plotz (Google +) but that shit is a mystery to me.



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