Ensis’s Revisionist Childhood:


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Just tryin’ to spheal. Know what I mean?

So as some of you know, I’m currently in the process of reviewing a “Self-Help” book specifically targeted for artists and it’s going well. But one of my homework assignments for this week is to write myself an alternate childhood in which all my dreams came true and everything was lovely. Interestingly enough, this is a technique of which I’ve read being used in talk therapy to cope with traumatic flashbacks. My childhood was RELATIVELY free from trauma, but what the hell; I’ll have fun with it! I also figure it’ll be a good place to start my cult of personality.

Ensis was hatched from an Eagle egg that was incubated by a tiger. He was taken in by a pair of struggling newlyweds and lived poor but happily during his childhood years. He began to draw dinosaurs at a young age, sensing a familial connection.

When it was time to begin school, Ensis received a mysterious letter of invitation to American school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Pigfarts. During his illustrious Pigfarts Tenure Ensis learned to fly, become invisible, and to get ketchup out of a Heinz 57 bottle, all skills which would serve him well later in life, during his career as a ninja/waiter.

At age six Ensis was cajoled into taking piano lessons and now plays piano like a fish plays bass (little known fact: Fish are inherently good bassists. Especially Bass. World renowned bassist Slash is actually part fish). He moved out of his parents’ house to live in a giant tree fort nearby.

Upon reaching Highschool age, Ensis attended an art school for misfits where he wore his hair and clothes however he damn well pleased and was encouraged to speak, write, and draw without censorship. As a result, he graduated early and, realizing his passion for writing as well as art, enrolled in Harvard’s Bachelor of Folklore Program, graduating at the top of his class by age 17. He then went on to Solve all the world’s problems through art and was hailed as the savior of mankind.

He also was in a play once.

What was your “Revisionist Childhood” Like?
Leave a comment and let us know!

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